Wonders Never Cease Slot Machine

By contrast, phone operators at the Taj advised callers that at the Trump Taj Mahal, “wonders never cease.” Stilt walkers stalked the lobbies and turbaned men stood at doors.

What is this, Duke Nukem? Go take a bath, you cardboard cutouts!

Behold! The thrilling spectacle of virtual slot machines, sans naked women!

PLAYERS: 1

PUBLISHER: Panesian

DEVELOPER: Hacker International

GENRE: Gambling

RELEASE DATE: 1991

The second after Bubble Bath Babes in the infamous Panesian trilogy of NES porn games, Hot Slots will not light your loins, or any other standby body parts, on fire, though it does indeed contain slot machines. Three of them, in fact! Will wonders never cease? Pick your slot (machine): will you opt for Cutie Bunny, Juicy Fruit, or the ever enticing Las Vegas (why would they bother to make two sexually suggestive names and not three?). I couldn’t tell the difference between any of them because, at the end of the day, you put your money into the machine, pull the lever, and hope you win. Yep, that’s the entire game. If you win any money, a screen will pop up from below the machine and inform you of your earnings. A covered-up girl will look at you seductively, just waiting for you to earn enough money before her stifling clothes can come off. According to ThisIsD7, the author of the one and only FAQ for this game at GameFAQS, the girls will need to know that you’ve won a cool $210 before any layers begin to peel. If you want to see the full pixelated monty, that will run you about $450. This may not sound like much, but it is incredibly hard to win anything. Only 7s, BARS, and color-coded JACS will gain you any amount of money. The slot machines run very fast and easy (!) and you won’t know what you’ve got until you stop them with the D-pad.

Let’s face it, if you bought this game back in 1991, you were hoping to see some 8-bit jumblies. There’s no real game contained here, other than playing virtual slot machines, which is about as lively as being hooked up to a feeding tube and watching old game show reruns. My friend, desiring a game for poorly rendered breasts makes you a horny idiot. However, if you have held onto this game these past twenty-one years just for kicks, you are now a very savvy investor. Hot Slots is currently going for upwards of 800 dollars on eBay due to its rarity. I guess the saying is true, then: every slot has its day in the sun.

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Grandfather Mountain is proud to welcome Will Graham, executive director of the Billy Graham Training Center at The Cove and vice president of the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, to this year’s 89th Annual Singing on the Mountain as the main speaker.

Graham is a 38-year-old evangelist. He is the son of Franklin Graham and the grandson of the world-famous evangelist, Billy Graham. The oldest of four children, Graham grew up in the North Carolina High Country before attending Liberty University and earning a Bachelor of Science degree in Religion. He later attended Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and earned a Master of Divinity degree.

Both Graham’s father and grandfather spoke at previous Singing on the Mountain Sundays, Billy in 1962 and Franklin in 1993 and 1999. The usual June slot for the event was moved to August when Billy Graham first spoke in 1962 to help accommodate the traveling evangelist’s busy touring schedule.

Graham (Will) began his evangelic ministry doing youth-oriented, one-day events in Canada. He has spoken to audiences across North America, Australia, India as well as parts of Asia and South America, converting tens of thousands of people to Christianity.

“This opportunity to be a part of Singing on the Mountain is special to me for a couple different reasons,” said Graham. “First, it is always a unique blessing when I get to follow in the footsteps of my dad or grandfather, who have both spoken as part of this great tradition on Grandfather Mountain.”

“The second reason that I’m excited about Singing on the Mountain is because it’s a bit of a homecoming for me,” continued Graham. “While I’ve spoken from time to time at area churches, this is the first time that I’ve really had the opportunity to minister as an evangelist in the area in which I grew up, and which still means so much to me. I’ve preached in Kenya, Thailand, India, Australia, Hong Kong – but now I get to preach on Grandfather Mountain, and I can’t tell you how excited I am about that!”

The 89th Annual Singing on the Mountain begins June 23 at 8:30 a.m. and runs throughout the day. Admission is free to all. Musical groups set to perform include: The Chuckwagon Gang, Ernie Couch & Revival, Patricia Smith of Abundance Ministries, The Cockman Family, Michael Combs, Terry Warren, Tim Greene and John’s River Quartet.

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For more information about Grandfather Mountain, Singing on the Mountain, or speaker Will Graham please visit www.grandfathermtn-staging.v38mw8dg-liquidwebsites.com or call 800-468-7325.